Spotbunni's Xanga

I love this song.

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 04:01:01 GMT

Oren Lavie- Her Morning Elegance

Sun been down for days
A pretty flower in a vase
A slipper by the fireplace
A cello lying in its case

Soon she's down the stairs
Her morning elegance she wears
The sound of water makes her dream
Awoken by a cloud of steam
She pours a daydream in a cup
A spoon of sugar sweetens up

And She fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
As she goes in a store
With a thought she has caught
By a thread
She pays for the bread
And She goes...
Nobody knows

Sun been down for days
A winter melody she plays
The thunder makes her contemplate
She hears a noise behind the gate
Perhaps a letter with a dove
Perhaps a stranger she could love

And She fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
As she goes in a store
With a thought she has caught
By a thread
She pays for the bread
And She goes...
Nobody knows

And She fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
Where people are pleasently strange
And counting the change
And She goes...
Nobody knows

Facebook has a sense of irony.

Sun, 11 Jan 2009 13:19:02 GMT

From my facebook feed news trough thing:

Tim Janssen is hating the QassamCount! it's really shallow to only shine a light on one half of the war crimes, where 2 are fighting there are 2 wrong! about an hour ago

Aleeza Sklover QassamCount: 8 more Hamas rockets hit Israel Sunday, 2 strike near the cities of Netivot and Ashkelon. Donate your status: http://qassamcount.com/fb. 2 hours ago

The Best Day Ever

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 02:10:30 GMT

I passed my driver's test today, and I got a job!

Music Meme from Lindsay!

Sun, 04 Jan 2009 23:38:32 GMT

Yay! Thanks for the fun, Lindsay... although I doubt that it was on purpose.

In no order:
1. Stars
2. The Beatles
3. Jethro Tull
4. Laura Marling
5. Ratatat
6. Nightwish
7. Dissection
8. The 1900s
9. Fountains of Wayne
10. Basshunter
11. Seatrain
12. TOKIO
13. Kumi Koda
14. Yoshida Brothers
15. Final Fantasy
16. Andrew Bird
17. The Fleet Foxes
18. Squirrel Nut Zippers
19. Malajube
20. Gnarls Barkley
21. Ataraxia
22. !!!
23. The Weakerthans
24. Devin Townsend Band
25. The Softlightes
26. Emilie Simon
27. The Fratellis
28. Feist
29. The Decemberists
30. Southern All-Stars

1. How did you get into 29 (The Decemberists)?
I saw one of their people on the Colbert Report!

2. What was the first song you ever heard by 22 (!!!)?
I think it was 'A New Name'.. and I hated it. But now I love that song.

3. How many albums by 12 (TOKIO) do you own?
None, fortunately. They've got some good songs, but nothing I need a lot of.

4. What is your favourite song by 5 (Ratatat)?
Oh dear... that's hard. A three-way tie between Gettysburg, Seventeen Years, and Wildcat

5. What is your favorite song by 15 (Final Fantasy)?
Please Please Please or Adventure.exe, I think.

6. Is there a song by 6 (Nightwish) that makes you happy?
The Islander. Also, I wish I had an Angel, just because the bass line makes me joyful.

7. What is your favourite song by 10 (Basshunter)?
I know Dota is the expected answer, but I really like Boten Anna. (and Dota)

8. What is a good memory you have involving 30 (Southern All-Stars)?
The first time my host family showed them to me, on a DVD in the car, with the kids bouncing up and down and singing along, and me thinking... holy cow, an actually good Japanese band?

9. Is there a song by 19 (Malajube) that makes you happy?
La Russe

10. How many times have you seen 23 (The Weakerthans) live?
Nevar. But I don't know how they would sound live, so it's just as well. I think the singer's voice might be just a smidge too whiny in person.

11. What is the first song you ever heard by 26 (Emilie Simon)?
I don't remember... I think it might have been Fleur de Saison. \m/

12. What is your favourite album by 11 (Seatrain)?
Their first one- Seatrain. =P

13. Who is your favourite member of 1 (Stars)?
I have no fucking clue.

14. Have you ever seen 14 (Yoshida Brothers) live?
No, but that would rule asses.

15. What is a good memory involving 27 (The Fratellis)?
Driving along in Maine with my family, rocking out to Flathead, everyone singing along to the nonsense.

16. What is your favourite song by 16 (Andrew Bird)?
I'm not sure yet... I really like Lull, just because of the music video... but how could I possibly not love a romance between a man and a squid?

17. What is your favourite album by 18 (Squirrel Nut Zippers)?
Perennial Favorites, prolly.

18. What is your favorite song by 21 (Ataraxia)?
Mnemosine, s'what got me hooked.

19. What is the first song you ever heard by 25 (The Softlightes)?
I don't remember, but it was probably either Heart Made of Sound or The Microwave Song.

20. What is your favourite album by 2 (The Beatles)?
Are you serious? I love all the different periods of the Beatles for different reasons... I guess for early Beatles it would be Please Please Me, Mid would be Help!, and late... White Album.

21. What is your favourite song by 3 (Jethro Tull)?
So very tough. I guess.... a tie between Bouree and Jojn Barleycorn, unless of course it's Aqualung... that few moments in Aqualung where they switch from the second section to the third is just... orgasmic.

22. What is your favourite song by 8 (The 1900s)?
It used to be When I Say Go, but now I think it's The Medium Way

23. How many times have you seen 17 (Fleet Foxes) live?
Nevar.

24. What is the worst song by 13 (Koda Kumi)?
Oh goodness... she's terrible. Absolutely terrible. But somehow... so catchy and listenable. I have no idea what that would make her worst song.... probably Cutie Honey, sorry anime peoples.

25. What was the first song you ever heard by 28 (Feist)?
My Moon My Man

26. What is your favourite album by 7 (Dissection)?
Reinkaos. Dur. It's them at their peak, and it's got Maha Kali on it!

And for some reason this cuts off at 26 even though there are 30 bands, so lets make some up!:

27. How many times have you seen 20 (Gnarls Barkley) live?
*sigh* Never. This is depressing.

28. What is your favourite song by 24 (Devin Townsend)?
Ziltoid the Omnicient. AMAZING.

29. What is your favourite album by 13 (Koda Kumi... again?)?
No clue. None.

30. What is the worst song by 9 (Fountains of Wayne)?
Stacy's Mom.

There are more places and people than Oneonta

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 17:44:04 GMT

I'd like to preface this post by saying that the ice on the tree outside my window is melting and making diamonds and crystal sparkles everywhere on top of the mud and bark and air and it's absolutely lovely.

To the point, however: it makes me so sad how many of the people my age I knew in Oneonta are still there and haven't grown up and away or made new friends. Some of them certainly want to leave, but they haven't... I guess it's one of the cons of having a college or two right in your town. It's not pathetic, but I do pity them. I've met so many amazing people and explored so many new places, and I can't stand Oneonta- and then facebook shows me what my old friends are doing, and they're all hanging out with the same people in the same place. I'm almost jealous that they've managed to save their relationships so well, but you know... I've tried hanging out with some of them again. It was so awkward and we had nothing to talk about. It was just in-jokes about SUCO and polite conversation about high school, which was- how many years ago now? - in the past. About two and a half years. I grew up in that time, but maybe... I wonder if some of them have.

I could really care less about the high school, or drama that goes on there. When I'm forced, kicking and screaming, to return to Oneonta for a break, all I want to do is hang out with my family (most of 'em, anyhow =P) and Ben, Ben, and Rachi. I've even grown apart from Jordy, for goodness' sakes. Maybe since this is a long break I'll hang out with Troy and everyone again, but who really knows? I'm going to hate it all and become depressed. It's gone beyond just not wanting to be in my family's house because of the dirt and the mess and hair and Mercedes and Dad, it's pretty much the entire city that I really don't want to be in, because the entire city only remembers Becky-as-she-was-two-years-ago, and even I don't like that person anymore. Going back is a depressing relapse to depression and introversion, it's nothing like going home. Home is Albany. I wouldn't mind Oneonta for visits to see family and people, but I never want to live there again. And I'm going to have to, for an entire month. Dread.

I guess... in the sense that I am once again forced back into those restraints, I am just as pitiable or more so than those who have never left.

I'm tired and cranky, but you guys deserve it.

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 04:24:40 GMT

Okay, look. I remember what myspace was like when I was in high school. I was totally obsessed with that piece of crap. And there were quizzes and 'surveys' about yourself that you could post to everyone who cared to read it, and they got passed around a lot too. But this '16 somethings' thing spreading around facebook like an STD is irritating me. I've read several now and done one of my own (albeit secretly) and I've come to the conclusion that it is nothing more than a vehicle for showing how unique and quirky and special you are. Yeah, myspace quizzes were bad, but at least they were just about hinting at gossip you knew but your world didn't know, or the kind of melodramatic life you had- not a way to show off your individuality while doing a chain survey on facebook. So being tagged in a note like that is vaguely interesting and almost obligates you to do it. I've felt it. But when it becomes a quirk-contest, I'm done, and having now read something like my 8th of these, I can't even enjoy the irony of youth any more.

XKCD said it best:

Sometimes I think I miss the fifties, when the cool thing to do was fit in.

It's music and lyrics time again!

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 17:09:12 GMT

This song is amazing. Thank you again, Andrew, for showing me Final Fantasy.

The CN Tower Belongs to the Dead
Final Fantasy

We the dead, we the dead find a country road
Country road, lead the dead from our homes to the ground
Keep a book of the maggots our bodies will snare
'Cause the earth is the earth, no need to travel all in the air

The CN Tower is built upon our bones!
The CN Tower will always be our home!

Decorate 'round the base, all the graves of our lost loves
Cabbages, ginger root and a crucifix

Never rode on the plains, never thought I couldn't stay
Had a good run anyway, had a good run anyway
I could fill up the lake with all the things I didn't say
Had a good run anyway, had a good run anyway

From the top of the tower
Radio buzz in our ears
We can see your house from here
(x2)

Rachi made me do it.

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 13:43:57 GMT

Okay, Rachi tagged me in a note on facebook, saying that I had to write 16 things about myself, but that's kind of juvenile and reminds me of myspace. Even so, the gauntlet was thrown. So I am writing my list here as a private method of doing what I'm supposed to do. Anyhow, here goes.

1) The place I want to visit most in the entire world is Svalbard.
2) I'm never going to go because it's expensive to get there and I must go to more necessary places instead.
3) I really don't like technical theater.
4) Being called 'cute' baffles and irritates me.
5) I'm remarkably content sometimes.
6) I feel like an adult already. I want my own house to decorate and that full independence.
7) Lindt truffles are disgusting.
8) Hugs, on the other hand, are the best candy evar.
9) If I could forget my obligation to humanity, I probably could be content being someone's sex and cooking slave.
10) I am often friends with people that I don't really like simply because they like me or we have friends in common. The number of people that I genuinely like and am friends with is very limited.
11) I feel like something of a spendthrift right now.
12) I vacilate between thinking I'm mediocre and thinking I am smarter than everyone.
13) I just ate my last Hug and am already planning my next trip to CVS to get some more.
14) I bought my gloves in Japan in Nov. 2006 from a hyaku yen shoppu and I'm still using them even though they are dirty and falling apart.
15) I have a very strong desire to make cabbage soup today.
16) I signify nothing.

It is so, so good to be home.

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 21:35:06 GMT

I am back at school after Thanksgiving break. It was really a good break, and I'm going to write about it, but first I just want to babble about.. who knows? There are some chores and homeworks to do, but there are also some that I have already done, so I feel justified in taking a little time to myself.

Things are going so well, and I'm so happy, but things are also going so terribly, and I don't know how to deal. They get blocked out to preserve my little happiness, and then threaten to erupt. My dad... Mercedes and Tom... the future, sometimes. What is going to happen after this year? I've found a place that I love and people in it that I love, but those dynamics are once again going to have to change. I wish I could pause everything just as it is now, but I wished that once in high school and that failed miserably, and things aren't looking good for this time either. Still, I'd like to, and just run away from the horrors and hide in Albany with my contrived family and be coddled and stay.

I made a decision a few weeks ago. It's still not something I am 100% comfortable talking about, but I need to make sure to write it down. I'm not going to forget the gist of it, but I need to remember how I feel exactly when I regret this decision later.

I need to help people. I need to spend my life caring for those less fortunate, people in failed states with no food or shelter, people who need help and are ignored. I have to. It's no longer a desire, it's an irrevocable obligation. I must. I'm going to try to get into the state department, and if I fail I am going to a global south state and I am going to do anything that needs doing. I am going to care for the sick, teach children, weave nets, ANYTHING. Because I am young and relatively wealthy and healthy and intelligent enough and I can, therefore I must. And I am going to spend my life doing things that must be done because that is the only future I can justify to myself.

This means I am never going back to Japan. I love it so, and I still become so homesick, but... I can't justify it, because to visit would be unjust. How dare I spend money on a plane ticket there when I could instead go to Africa and work to help people? I will never do it. So I'm never going to be able to go back. I don't know what this means for a family, either. I want a family. It's something that always has been and always will be important to me. But I'm not going to put children in harms way. I'm not going to have a stable home in one place. I'm going to move as I'm needed, for as long as needed. Forever. I love the US, but this means I won't be here, either. The need is far greater elsewhere. All my great patriotism, wasted.

I dread my future, but I anticipate it too. At least I know what I must do now, instead of the nebulous not knowing of before. But I'm not happy about it. The drawbacks and risks are too great for that. But I have to. There is no longer a choice. There is no longer anything but preparation for my destiny. I didn't think I had one, but I do. It would be wrong for me to stay. I'm only staying now because I think I might be able to help better with a degree, and even that rational logic seems flimsy in the face of the need now, the pull to help. I am going to help hundreds of people, people that I've never met, in a place I've never been. I am not going to be rich, or famous, or even just middle-class, but I WILL have that.

I am so scared by this decision. I've never been one for strong feelings one way or another. I've been ambivalent about most things. But I had to go to Japan. If I had had a choice I would never have left the country. And now I have to help, and I have to do it until I die, and it's only the second time I've had to do something, and I'm scared. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm going to do exactly or what language I'm going to need to learn and if I'm going to get myself killed or sick and if I'll see my family and friends after I go. But I must.

I am going to help people with my life.

Writing without a plan.

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 16:32:52 GMT

I really don't know what I want to talk about today, only that I do want to write and keep this somewhat current with my life. So what is there to talk about?

The show finished yesterday. There was a matinee, then strike (which was fun but hard- I did so much carrying that my legs and arms are sore still), then a little break for dinner and seeing Eric, Cameren, and Danielle, and then the cast party at Jake's, which was fun. I really love that whole cast and crew, and I'm going to miss them so much. We've of course said that we're going to still hang out, and with a few of them I'm really going to try- Mathia, Schuyler, maybe Melissa... maybe. And then there are more that I really liked and was friends with but I know I'm probably not going to see that much- Shane, Paul, Caridel, Josh, Kyle, Ethan, Aurora, Yokko... everyone, basically. So it's sad. But I'm also happy, because now I'll have time to spend with my other friends who were so neglected for so long.

Speaking of spending time with neglected friends, I really want to be amazing and kind to Eric today. I think he had a bad night last night, with everyone else going out and being home alone, and I feel badly about it. I wasn't there for him. And then there's the whole thing with Joey and Nick from before which, even though it ultimately didn't matter, I still feel badly about, because it feels like cheating even when I know he doesn't mind too much and I didn't really have a say in the matter with Nick. I think I should just stop kissing anyone else altogether... but it's so hard to give up girls completely like that. Maybe only kiss them when he's around? I don't know. It's not going to happen again anytime soon, if ever again at all, that's for sure. And he's been so kind about it, and everything, and I think he's needed me even though he hasn't told me so. So I'm going to be at my best girlfriend mode for a while- he deserves at least that, if not far more. And I resolve not to let him rile me up when he's upset. Yes.

Wow, I just spent a half hour on the phone with Danielle. Crazy. She really likes me somehow, and she says that Cameroni does too. I think I've really got a complete circle of friends here now- the closest friends I've ever really had. It isn't like in high school with just hanging out one on one- everyone loves each other so much. I'm really lucky. It's hard for me to get close to girls, and now I have three whole girlfriends! Plus Joey and Ai, if I got to see them more often, and Katie goes without saying... and then when you count Abby, Ayu, Moriah, and Rachi- that's a fuckton of female friends!

I think I really, truly want to learn bass. Maybe I will ask my parents for a bass and a printer and an air mattress for hannukah and leave it at that. I'll give them back Arye even, to trade in, and ask Eric to help them pick a good one. I'm probably going to fail miserably at it, but.... I really want to be able to play an instrument too, like everyone else. And I love bass. It's so... me. In the background, but important. Hee, I flatter myself.

It is food time now so I will stop writing. But this is good! It's a good step.

By the way, this is an excellent website: http://petropolitics.blogspot.com/

(I made it.)